A Limerick Has Only Five Lines
The First Two And Last One All Rhyme.
Lines Four And Three
Must Rhyme Perfectly.
While The Rhythm Is Somewhat Like Mine.


In a castle that had a deep moat
Lived a chicken a duck and a goat.

They wanted to go out

And wander about

But all they needed was a boat.


There was a young girl from Oliver,
And all the men did follow her,

Until a guy came along,

And played her his song,

And all the rest quit call'n her.


A young schizophrenic named O'Strother,
When told of the death of his brother,

Said: "Yes, it's too bad,

But I can't feel too sad;

After all, I still have each other.


There one was a man from Peru,
Who dreamed of eating his shoe,

he awoke with a fright,

in the middle of the night,

and found that his dream had come true!


We were painting the church steeple gray,
When the wind blew our brushes away.

We said to the pastor,

"We've had a disaster!"

He calmly replied, "Let us spray."


There was a farmer from Leeds,
Who ate six packets of seeds,

It soon came to pass,

He was covered with grass,

And he couldn't sit down for the weeds!


There once was a man from Great Britain
Who interrupted two girls at their knittin'.

Said he with a sigh,

"That park bench, well I

Just painted it right where you're sittin'."


There was a young woman named Bright
Whose speed was much faster than light.

She set out one day

In a relative way,

And returned on the previous night.

An epicure dining at Crewe
Found a very large bug in his stew.

Said the waiter, "Don't shout

And wave it about,

Or the rest will be wanting one too."


A chemistry student named Tate,
was heard to remark to his date,

"Because of the stink,

a fart is, I think,

just shit in it's gaseous state."

On the subject of farts - one last item;
they've got to come out, so why fight'em?

You can blast them out loudly,

and boast of them proudly,

or if you're so inclined, you can light'em!


There was a lady who triplets begat
She named them Nat, Pat and Tat

She had great fun breeding

But she had trouble feeding

Cause she was lacking a tit for Tat.


A nudist girl wearing three raisins
A masquerade prize was her goal.

The judges said, "Lookie,

From the front she's a cookie,

From the rear she's a Parker house Roll."


There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,

It at last grew so small

He knew nothing at all,

And now he's a college professor.


There once was a lady, Ilene,
Who lived on distilled kerosene,

But she started absorbin'

A new hydrocarbon

and since then she'd never benzene

There once was a poet named Dan,
Who's poetry never would scan.

When told this was so,

He said, "Yes, I know"

"It's because I try to put every possible syllable into the very last line that I can" !!


There once was a lady named Perkins
Who simply doted on Gherkins

They were so nice

She ate too much spice

and pickled her internal workin's


There was a young fellow named Cager,
Who, as the result of a wager--

Consented to fart

The entire oboe part

Of Mozart's Quintet in F Major


I've been studying all night and I'm tired,
But I can't sleep because I'm so wired.

So I'll play on the net

'Stead of going to bed,

And my tests will seem a quagmire.


There once was a girl whose name was Jen.
Whose room was as messy as a pig pen

It got so cluttered

She shook and muttered

Oh, but everything blends, AMEN.


There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;

Not rounded and pink,

As you probably think---

It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.


A wonderful bird is the Pelican.
His beak can hold more than his belly can.

He can hold in his beak

Enough food for a week!

But I'll be darned if I know how the hellican?


There once was a young man of Trinity
Who found the root infinity.

But the many digits

Gave him infinite fidgits,

So he dropped math and took up divinity.


Some people say that a limerick
Is some kind of anonymous gimmerick

A Lear or a Nash

May own up to this trash

But never a Wordsworth, a Herrick or Himmerick

There once was a man from Van Isle
Who said jogging just wasn't his style.

"I'll get my workouts," he said,

"At home, in my bed,

'Cause a Miss is as good as a mile!"


A disgusting old man from La Jolla
Has a habit that's sure to anolla.

Before telling a joke

He'll give you a poke,

And remark, "This'll really destrolla."

Thith Way to Thpeeth Clath:

A thpeeth teacther named Mitheth Bathye
Had thome thtudentth who acted quite lathye;

They lithped and they thputtered,

And thome of them th-th-thtuttered:

She thought they might jutht drive her crathye.

There once was a man from Peru
Who kept all his cash in his shoe;

It¹s not like a bank,

And it¹s really quite rank,

Especially from wearing it, too.

There was a golfer from Verdun
Who was not to be outdone.

To avoid glitches

He carried spare britches

In case he got a hole in one.



 thginK fo namow gnuoy a saw erehT
 ,thgir eht ot tfel eht morf etirw dluow ohW

 rorrim a ni dekool ehs liT'

 .rorre reh derevocsid dnA

 !thgir eht morf tfel eht ot setirw ehs woN


Said Einstein I have an equation
 Which some people may think Rabelaisian

 Let V be Virginity

 approaching Infinity

 And P be a constant Persuasion

 Now if V over P be inverted
 And the root of P be inserted

 X times into V

 The result, QED

 Is a relative, Einstein asserted.

There once was a man named Bill Beebee
Who was in love with a girl named Phoebe

He said I must see

what the wedding fee be

Before Phoebe be Phoebe B. Beebee


little louisie lue
had nothing whatever to do,

so she sat on the stairs

and counted out hairs


A man called Fiddle,you see,
Was a student of divinity.

"When I graduate

'Twill be my poor fate

To be known as Fiddle D.D.!"


There was a young man from Lenore,
Whose mouth was as wide as a door.

While attempting to grin,

He slipped and fell in,

And laid inside out on the floor.


There was a young lady from France.
Who decided she'd just take a chance.

So she let herself go,

for an hour or so,

And now all her sisters are aunts.


Bill Gates once said - rather stroppily-
"I tell you it's NOT a monopoly!

We fight to survive

And for freedom to thrive

As free men fought once at Thermopylae".

Said Janet "It is a monopoly
The proof? You program so sloppily

Your software's a pain

You have to restrain

The people who could do it properly".


A one liner Rhymer from Khymer

 A little known poet from Looe
 Penned Lim'ricks that stopped at line two

 A Limer-ricker from South Bend
 Wrote Lim'ricks without any end

 When they got to line three

 A poet I know was fated
 To write verses that were truncated

From the end of line four

 There just weren't no more

A hardworking poet called Clive
 With tremendously, effortful strive

 While penning his Lim'ricks

Eschewed any Slim'ricks

And made sure that they went to line 5


A bather whose clothing was strewed
By winds, that left her quite nude

Saw a man come along

And, unless I am wrong

You expected this line to be rude.

There was a young lady....tut, tut!
So you think you are in for some smut

Some five lined crescendo

Of lewd innuendo?

Well, you're wrong. This is anything but.


When God first brought man to fruition
He viewed all the scraps with contrition

He collected the junk

And created the skunk,

Then the snake, then the first politician.


One day at the lake with no sock
I was danglin' my feet off the dock

And then the game warden

Handcuffed me regardin'

The fact that the fish died from shock.


An ol' Texas cowboy once heered
That his boots warn't too highly reveered.

He installed Doctor Scholl's

Odor-Eater controls

And the next day he plumb disappeered


A computer scientist called Mad Matt
Crying "Genetics is where it's all at",

Crossed a Ford veep he knew

With a mammal that flew

And produced an auto.exec.bat


The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.

 But the good ones I've seen

 So seldom are clean

 And the clean ones so seldom are comical

Here in Brooklyn I just overhoid
the word bird mispronounced as woid boid

a po'm writ in voice

and to make matters woice

deres a street dey call East toity toid.

In Scotland they live in the tooon
and a circles not round it's arrrrooon

its not out - they go ooot

is a prizefight a boot ?

in the lifts are the buttons marked DOOON ?

And in England they're doing, their part
cockneys saying 'cor guv ave a nart'

instead of a wife

they've got troubles-and-strife

and an orse is wot's pulling a cart.

There was a young lady named Erin
Who asked, "Why are all the men starin'?"

Her mother said, "Honey,

It's 'cause you look funny,

And there's a distinct lack of clothes that you're wearin'!"


There once was a leprechaun named Pat
Who lived in a green, derby hat.

As legend foretold

He hid all his gold

And then he got ate by the cat!


There was a young lady from Exeter.
So lovely, men craned their necks at her.

Some were so brave

As to take out and wave

The distinguishing marks of their sex at her.


There was a young man from Nantucket
Who could not carry a tune in a bucket.

And try as he might

He could not get it right

So finally he said, "Oh, f-f-f-f-f-ooey!"